ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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