I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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