The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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