12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do vagina's smell?
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Randomize
