this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
