All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
