I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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