They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
it's like iHOP with fire
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
