Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
