You made me cry and you don't even care
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
