Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
