Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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