my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
