There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
