a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
