what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
