I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
