my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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