Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
