Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
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