Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i dont even know how to be here
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
