Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
