A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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