There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
