I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
