My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
