I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Dear god my vagina.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
