sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
