what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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