this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
