I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
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I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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