I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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