I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
