so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
