I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Just cropdusted the office
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me