ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
