if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
