You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I just found puke in my bra..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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