I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
