Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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