you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
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literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
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I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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