You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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