Where is the hickey?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
