fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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