My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
