am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Randomize
