I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
