Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize