i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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