I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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