11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
