Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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