haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
