While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
We have started to decorate penises.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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