I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
