He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
My penis needs a shock collar
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
