Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
