Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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