hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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