I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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