in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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