My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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