Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
