i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize