The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
