I need help removing her.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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