tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
