oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
